wakey wakey hands off snakey
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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