Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
