You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
