I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
