I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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