I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
