I cannot find my penis.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
