I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
