Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
