He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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