She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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