dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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