last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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