Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
