my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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