Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
