Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
