I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
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