I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
