Taylor Swift is so right about you.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
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