...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
