I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
