I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just invented taco cereal.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Houston, we have a blender
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
