I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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