I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
