Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
