her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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