It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
