I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
