6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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