I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
