He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
