dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
