god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
