You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
