THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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