Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize