The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Ladies don't puke and tell
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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