hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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