you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
