Dude my mom stole all your condoms
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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