Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
