My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
