I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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