To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
