Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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