you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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