Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize