So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I can't trust your balls anymore.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
