i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
