I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
