just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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