you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
