You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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