Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
