We're like a lot better than the average bears
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I enjoy the company of your penis
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