uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
