exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
