I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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