I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
