She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
