I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
