around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
