I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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