i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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