I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
