captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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