How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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