my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
