sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
