i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
What happened to fro yo and sex?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
