I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
