there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
